


Let Us Sum Up

by Missy



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Cats, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crack is Canon, Gen, Horror, Humor, Re-animation, Stealth Crossover, Vignette, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2014-10-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 10:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2503985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mable and Dipper try to figure their way out of a major jam, only to find themselves in an even bigger pickle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Us Sum Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DesertScribe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertScribe/gifts).



> Written as a treat for Trick or Treat '14!
> 
> I combined a couple of your prompts into one fic! You had so many good ideas that I sort of wanted to write at least four of them. Thankfully, Gravity Falls has so much canon-as-crack I could get away with it (I hope).

“Mabel,” panted Dipper as he and his sister crashed through the forest side by side, “what did you do?” In his grip he held the large skin-covered tome, somehow both afraid to look at it and put it down at the same time. “how did this happen? How can ANY of this happen?” For things were quite wrong in Gravity Falls – well, just a little more wrong than usual. For instance, the blood red sky was sort of upping the weird factor.

Mabel was right beside Dipper, grappling gun in her own hand. “I opened up the book and read a page! All I saw was a picture of a cat!”

“MABEL!”

“Why else would a big book filled with mysterious writing and spells have a picture of a kitty? I thought it was totally a spell for infinite cats!”

“Mabel there’s no such thing as an infinite kitty spell! I think you might have…” He trailed off at an ominous crackling sound. Then, from the burst forth an enormous array of animals – birds, cats, and dogs – all skeletal, some of them still dragging bits of bandage behind them. “And now it got the natural history museum,” said Dipper.

“Aww!” Mabel reached down and picked up one of cat skeletons as it stopped at her ankles to purr and rub itself against her. She cuddled its dusty form to her chest. “You smell like pickles and love!” she declared, then sneezed as draft of dust blew up her nose.

Dipper wasn’t having as pleasant an encounter with the undead animals. “Eww, eww, dead bird in my hair, eww!” He batted away what had once been a crow, which had landed atop his hat, until it flew away. “We have to keep moving or Soos will…”

“Psht, Dipper, you’re way too worried about everything!” Mabel said. “Soos probably just wanted to hug you! That’s why he lunged at you with his eyes all white like that.”

“Mabel, I need you to take a deep breath, keep running, and realize that SOOS IS TRYING TO KILL US!”

And, as if they’d conjured him, their old friend dropped right out of a nearby treetop, his skin green, his eyes glowing white, and his body hovering. The words that came from his mouth didn't spew forth of his own volition. “Why did you disrupt our ancient slumber?” Not-Soos asked, hovering before them in mid-air. “That was totally uncool, guys. I’m gonna have to eat your souls.”

Dipper shrieked. Mabel just fired her grappling hook into the branches of a neighboring tree and swung them to safety. Or what had seemed like safety a moment before. She hadn’t counted on Soos’ new superhuman strength as he bounded toward them, his limbs jerking in the breeze as if his body were no longer under its own control.

“I’m totally gonna swallow your souls!” he declared once more in that eerie voice, before he was temporarily silenced when a large, metallic hand reached up and seized the branch upon which he'd temporarily nested.

It snapped, leaving Mabel, her new kitty friend and Dipper clinging to the stronger half of the limb with their legs and free hands. The twins managed to climb down to the ground thanks to careful, clever teamwork. "Pft," said Mabel as she scrambled down Dipper's back to stand on the terra firma, "And you said you thought that gymnastics course was a waste of time!'

“I still kind of do, actually. Uh, do you think we should help him?” Dipper wondered belatedly, seeing the shrouded figure hunched over Soos’ still form. “What if we were just saved by a giant robot working for the zombie mummies?”

“I’m no robot, kid,” said the shrouded figure kneeling over the still Soos. He’d bound their friend’s wrists together with a length of rope and moved to tie him to the trunk of the tree. Again, the metal hand flashed in the starlight.

“Woah, sweet,” observed Mabel. 

“Uh, sir,” said Dipper, automatically protective. “Excuse me, but we don’t really talk to strangers, so if you could just let our friend go that would be...really cool?”

The older man brushed back the hood hiding his features and Mabel let out a quiet squeak at first glimpse of his scarred but noble visage. “Name’s Ash, kids,” said the older man. “Let’s just say I know what’s wrong with your friend.” He grabbed soos and hauled him into a fireman’s carry. “Better stick close to me. This place ain’t safe after dark.”

“Tell me about it,” Dipper said, dragging the star struck Mabel and her kitty friend along for the ride.

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfiction uses characters from **Gravity Falls** , all of whom are the property of the **Disney Channel**. No money was gained from the writing of this fanfiction and all are used under the strictures of the Berne Convention.


End file.
